There's no one like Macavity
by Deminia
Summary: Series of short oneshots about Macavity, written by Eminems and me. Should be updated once a week, reviews are appreciated, but chocolate will also do. Sorry for the late update this week, I forgot to upload it.
1. The Foreign Office

**Disclaimer:** I don't own CATS I don't think Emi does either, she's a going to be a vet though so beware of what you say or she might castrate your favourite cat.

This one's written by me.

**The Foreign Office**

Macavity was bored, which he didn't like, and neither did his henchcats but they're expendable so we don't care about them. He sighed and wondered how he could annoy the humans, humans are after all stupid creatures, they throw a stick away for a pollicle to fetch it, but if they want it back why throw the stick away in the first place? Macavity shook his head, humans were too stupid to contemplate, hmm maybe he should steal some of their important documents, that would surely annoy them.

Half an hour of planning and creating some alibis later Macavity found himself wandering the streets of London. He was heading for a building which his spies had told him contained some important human papers, it was called the Foreign Office, or something like that anyway. He managed to make his way inside and began wondering why they called it a Foreign Office, it looked pretty much the same like any other office building he'd entered before, only fancier.

Macavity entered an office that had a special plate on the door, anything different from normal is special and thus most likely more important. He began looking through various papers that had been lying on the desk that was standing in the centre of the office, or in one of the drawers of the desk. Papers that were currently more important would be more useful if kept nearby after all. Eventually Macavity had a total of 5 different documents to choose one from, too many would result into him leaving papers behind, like what had happened in the Admiralty. Macavity did not want a mess like that again, eventually he decided on a document which had the word treaty on it a few times, Macavity was well aware of the importance of treaties, he had many of them himself after all, they kept things from getting messy.

There were footsteps down the hall, Macavity cursed, he hadn't expected there to be a human at work this late. He took the paper and looked out of the door, checking to see if the human was nearby, thankfully it entered a different room. He noticed an open window just at the end of the corridor and quickly made his way to it, he jumped out of it just as the human returned from the room. By the time the humans realized what had happened Macavity was back at his hideout, doing some nice long division sums on his chalkboard.


	2. Long Division

**Disclaimer:** I don't own CATS I don't think Emi does either, she's a going to be a vet though so beware of what you say or she might castrate your favourite cat.

This one's by Emi.

**Explaining the Long Division**

Have you ever had the chance to look around Macavity's office? I have, it's not what you would expect. For one thing, there's a chalkboard on the wall. It's one of his hobbies, Math, that is. He spends hours doing long division, he doesn't even bother with a calculator. I suppose it's good for his business as well, saves the hassle of an accountant. I know the real reason he loves Math so much though, it's more than just a hobby. It all started a few years back when Macavity was a kitten.

It wasn't just the mice and cockroaches that Jennyanydots educated. She took the time to teach the kittens a few things. Believe it or not, Macavity was one of her best students. That kit loved to learn, maybe he still does. He never missed a lesson, he was very clever as well. He still is. His favourite was Math, as I've said. You might be asking, what use does a cat have for numbers?

Cat's are a lot smarter than the humans give us credit for, you know. However, that's besides the point. Macavity loved his lessons, and he decided that he was going to be a teacher, just like Jennyanydots. That was his first career choice. Perhaps, if things had turned out differently, he would have. Of course, as we all know, he ended up the leader of a large feline crime organisation, but he never gave up the Math.

I have heard rumours that he once tried to teach some of his henchcats, but they're more brawn than brains so it didn't work out so well. He's also been known to use it as an alibi, because he's a lot faster than anyone thinks when it comes to long division. He can produce ten pages of it in five minutes, but to most cats this would take a day. Instant alibi, or almost instant anway.

I'll bet you'd never have guessed that the Napoleon of Crime is a closet academic. Just don't let him near the chemistry lab.


	3. He's called the hidden paw

header;** heading 1;**_** heading 2;**_** heading 3;**_** heading 4;**_** heading 5;**** heading 6;**Quotations;Endnote Symbol;Footnote Symbol;Internet link;**Strong Emphasis;****Disclaimer: ****Deminia is quite correct. I don't own Cats, although sometimes I wish I did. If I ever win the lottery I'll buy it from ALW but until then, Cats belongs to him. Not me. **

**A/N: ****This one was written by me, Eminems(6). pets Macavity isn't he fantastic?**

**He's Called The Hidden Paw **

'Everyone knows of Macavity's crimes. Scotland Yard have been looking for the Hidden Paw for years. They've yet to find a footprint. Believed to have been responsible for stealing a treaty from the Foreign Office, he was apparently doing long division sums at the time. Authorities are determined to catch the Mystery Cat, but they've yet to find any evidence. He always has an airtight alibi; he was never there when it happened.

Macavity tossed the newspaper aside, a superior smirk on his face. Like they could ever catch him, they were only human after all. He wasn't called the Hidden Paw for nothing. In actual fact it was the press that gave him that nickname. He'd just adopted it; he liked the way it sounded. He also found the story behind the nickname quite amusing.

It's common knowledge that copies of Macavity's footprints aren't found in Scotland Yard, but that's not for lack of trying. They find pawprints at the scene sometimes, and as these detective guys do, they take pictures to be stored on file and used as evidence. Every time this happens, the files mysteriously vanish. Apparently someone had commented on this, suggesting that Macavity could be stealing the files himself and hiding them somewhere out of reach of officials at Scotland Yard, who have yet to track down the location of the Mystery Cat's hideout.

When the papers got a hold of this story, they cooked up the name, 'The Hidden Paw'. It stuck and he's gone by that name ever since. Three different names? Yeah, right, Macavity laughs. Try six or seven.


	4. They say he cheats, at cards

header;** heading 1;**_** heading 2;**_** heading 3;**_** heading 4;**_** heading 5;**** heading 6;**Quotations;Endnote Symbol;Footnote Symbol;Internet link;**Disclaimer:** We don't own CATS, not that we don't want to.

Yay one by me again.  
**  
They say he cheats, at cards**

Macavity was sitting in a chair behind his desk, enjoying the antics of the stupid humans. He was busy thinking up his next plan on how to annoy them when a henchcat timidly knocked on the door.

"Enter." he barked, he loved intimidating his expendable henchcats.

The small henchcat entered, it whimpered and timidly said, "The missus Griddlebone is here and she wants to see you sir."

Macavity raised his eyebrows, since when did they interrupt him to warn him for Griddlebone? "And...? " He prompted the small cat.

It whimpered again, "she's quite angry sir. I don't know why sir"

Macavity wasn't really in the mood to deal with Griddlebone now, however keeping her waiting would only make her angrier, "fine send her in," he said with a dismissing wave of his paw.

Not long after Griddlebone stormed in seething with anger, "what is this I hear about you cheating on the streets," she demanded with a fierce hiss.

Macavity blinked a few times, he hadn't been aware that his latest escapades had been the cause for rumours, he'd definitely had to silence a few cats, he couldn't tell Griddlebone he was cheating on her though, so he just replied with a cocky grin, "what can I say, I'm a sore loser, so if I need to cheat a bit at cards to win so be it."


End file.
